The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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