I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this will be a night to untag.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize