her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
