he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
