What a fucking waste of an outfit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
