we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
