Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
