My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize