Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
