how can u be prego again
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
