Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
