There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
