I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
