My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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