im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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