I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
