I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
