Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There r osticjed everywhere
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
