Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
