I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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