she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
