Will you blow on my dice?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
