shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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