I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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