lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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