I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
