he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
