he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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