Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
