So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
