I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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