The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh god it's open bar.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
