Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
