There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
