i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
