Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
