OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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