They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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