my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
