You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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