i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
