You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize