bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think I died a long time ago.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
