can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
