I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
