Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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