we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
