dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize