She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love having hate sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
