Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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