I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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