i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
