put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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