She is in my trunk
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
