If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
