tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
