clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
