no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
