did you get engaged???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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