should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize