so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize