apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
