I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
