the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
