So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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