The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
where are you?
Hypothermia
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
