We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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