i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
