i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
