actually, I'm a sock model
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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